We all have needs to survive and thrive. When our needs are not met, we can feel frustrated, angry, hurt, or even threatened and this can lead to conflict if they are not addressed in a timely and constructive way. Behind every conflict, even parent-child, are one or more of these unmet needs. These are 9 of our underlying needs:
For example, if your teenager is constantly arguing with you about their curfew, their need for autonomy and independence might be clashing with your need for their safety and well-being. By acknowledging and validating both sets of needs and finding creative ways to need both of these needs, you can create a more collaborative and understanding environment for resolving the conflict.
This tool can be used to help you identify and articulate the unmet needs that are driving the conflict, both for you and your child. The placemat provides a list of common human needs and prompts you to reflect on which needs are not being met in the current situation. By understanding the underlying needs, you can start to brainstorm solutions that address those needs and lead to a more mutually satisfying outcome.
