Active listening involves truly hearing and understanding your child’s perspective, even if you do not agree with it. This means putting aside your own judgments, and focusing on what your child is feeling and trying to communicate. This can help your child feel heard and validated, which can de-escalate the conflict and create a more open space for communication.
“I-messages” can help you communicate your own feelings and needs in a way that is less likely to trigger defensiveness in your child. Instead of blaming or accusing your child (“You always…”, “You never…”), focus on expressing your own experience: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___”. This helps to shift the focus from blaming to understanding and can make it easier for your child to empathize with your perspective.
